Alternative Wedding Ceremony Readings for Unconventional Couples

Traditional ceremony readings peppered with "thou shalts" and "whilst yes" arent for everybody. If you cannot bear another rendition of "love is patient, love is kind..." at your wedding ceremony, youve come to the right place. Consult this list of alternative - even humorous - ceremony readings inspired by modern literature, songs, and poetry that pack a slightly edgier punch than traditional wedding readings.

Wedding Ceremony Readings - Humorous

To Keep Your Marriage Brimming - Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever youre wrong admit it;

Whenever youre right shut up.

Yes Ill Marry You - Pam Ayres

Yes, Ill marry you, my dear,

And heres the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed

When the baby starts to cry

And I hear a knocking

And its creepy and its late

I hand you the torch you see

And you investigate

Yes Ill marry you my dear

And you may not apprehend it

But when the tumble dryer goes

Its you that has to mend it

You have to face the neighbour

Should our roggie cat attack him

And if a drunkard fondles me

Its you that has to whack him

Yes Ill marry you

Youre virile and youre lean

Your house is like a pigsty

Ill help you keep it clean

That sexy little dinner

Which you served by candle night

As I do the chappatis you can cook it every night

Its you who has to work the drill

And put up curtain track

And when Ive got a migraine its you who gets the flack

I do see great advantages

But none of them for you

And so before you see the light

I do I do I do I do

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Wedding Ceremony Readings - from the Movies

From Captain Corellis Mandolin - by Louis Bernieres:

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

From Fools Rush In

Youre the one! You are everything I never knew I always wanted. Im not even sure what that means exactly but I think it has something to so with the rest of my life! And I think we should get married! Right now!

Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Poetry

From A House of Stone - by Carmen Bugan

In the village where I was born, we wish

A house of stone to shelter the heart of the marriage

So here too, I wish you

Obstinate, strong love, unyielding and unending.

May you be in reach of each other when all seems lost,

May your tears and your smiles happen always face to face.

When you imagine that you have shared everything

May you know that you still have the rest of your lives

To do all of it again and again.

But now listen to the hurry of bells and

Look how petals of roses about the vineyard

Bring you the words husband and wife:

First words in your house of stone.

Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Songs

From Lovesong - by The Cure

Whenever im alone with you

You make me feel like i am home again

Whenever im alone with you

You make me feel like i am whole again

Whenever im alone with you

You make me feel like i am young again

Whenever im alone with you

You make me feel like i am fun again

How ever far away, i will always love you

How ever long i stay, i will always love you

Whatever words i say, i will always love you

I will always love you

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